you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
