morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There's always time for handjobs
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
