A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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