i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
