you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
