I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
