You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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