I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
