i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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