can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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