I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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