I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
