woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
