Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
