if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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