we have officially lost it.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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