Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
