Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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