Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
