I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My vagina is officially offended.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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