I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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