So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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