I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
