someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
