I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
