Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
