Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
