I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
