Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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