I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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