she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
