Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
