I cockslap morals
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
