I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
