Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
