Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
