i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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