quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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