i think my tv is drunk
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm just crazy horny about you
the liver wants what the liver wants
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
