do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
40s are totally the cure
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
