it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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