Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
smell my finger.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
