If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
