Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Boobs are out for the taking
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
