I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
