Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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