"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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