this beer tastes like vomit already
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
