Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
