It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
