The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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